Eating Your Heart Out

Emotional eating is when you use food as a tool to stuff down unpleasant emotions, such as, being upset and agitated or sad and sluggish. When people eat out of anger or frustration, they tend to pick crunchy, salty foods to attack. When people are unmotivated or depressed, they often choose the soft pillow type of comfort foods like pasta, mashed potatoes, or ice cream to rest in their weary tummies. I managed to hit both of those marks with just one direct hit on Monday. I had been assigned to be the Greeter at our our HLS Lambertville office when Governor Whitmer gives the thumbs up for businesses to reopen in Michigan. That meant I was assured of at least almost two more weeks of “vacation” before reporting back to duty. Unfortunately for me, a few of the team assigned to reopen our Sylvania and Maumee offices on Monday, the 11th, are having childcare issues.

I got the e-mail from Dr. Ludwig on Monday asking if I could be the Greeter next week when we reopen in Sylvania. I read it, and my good mood disintegrated. Just hours earlier I had been part of our first “live” staff meeting in months as we went over the protocol that HLS Orthodontics was putting into practice for our return to business. The good news was that the dental business has always followed the highest sterilization standards, but that we would be taking it to the next level to create the safest environment possible for our team and our patients. I even cracked a joke about always wanting to be part of an “escort service” as the new position as the Greeter was sometimes referred to as an escort.

When I received Dr. Ludwig’s e-mail asking if I could step up to the plate in the first inning instead of the second or third, I was devastated. (She did, however, get my escort joke and added cute emoji’s of a flirty, dancing lady, a pair of red high heels, and a wink, which did make me smile through my tears.) I thought I’d answered her with an “of course I will” but I must have been crying too hard and hadn’t. She e-mailed me again today and I replied more honestly saying “of course I will, but I don’t want to.” I also refuse to play “the old lady” card since as the most aged and somewhat revered in our office, I could easily qualify as “compromised.” But then the whole point of my always talking about striving to be healthier would be pointless!

So, what does all this have to do with today’s title Eating Your Heart Out? How about it means that when I sat down to dinner after that e-mail to eat the hearty, healthy, delicious stir fry that my upstairs neighbor and best little buddy from childhood, Leitha, had made me, it didn’t fill me up. (I have always called Leitha my little buddy because when we first became friends when I was 10 and she was 7, I was the tall one. She caught up when I turned 12 and hit my peak of 5 feet. She ended up beating me by 7 inches, but in my heart, she will always be my little buddy.) So, I finished the big bowl of stir fry and then went to the cupboard and captured a bag of kettle potato chips. I sat at my kitchen table, read my latest non-fiction book about genes, and attacked those darned crispy chips as fast I could. When I had pretty much marched my hand through the entire bag, I got in my car to drive to the bank. Not just any branch of Fifth Third, but the one closest to Mr. Freeze. Yep, I did my banking and then I deposited a turtle sundae into my pseudo empty vault.

Why am I sharing my Tale of Two Treats with you? Because when I started this on line journal it wasn’t just to share fun health and wellness tips. I’m also using it as a way to hold myself accountable. So, here’s how everything adds up. Once I was done with my binge, I was done with my binge. I was done because I got up today, weighed myself, and then dusted off the crumbs of yesterday to continue my journey. Yep, there will be bumps in the road and maybe even a detour or two. But I’m committed to being honest and I’m committed to moving forward. I’m committed to understanding why I use food to stuff down unwanted emotions. I’m committed to finding and implementing more productive tools than food to manage those feelings. And most importantly, at the end of 2020, I want to end up being healthier and happier than I’ve ever been. What would be even better — is to have everyone I know, healthier and happier than THEY have ever been.

This photo is from May 2nd after I completed Prevention Magazine’s 5K and was feeling pleasantly “fulfilled.” But life is all about the highs and lows and learning to love/learn from both. I’m back on my feet and moving forward because that’s just how life works.